Marx Bros There Aint No Thing as a Sanity Clause Clip Art
Home | Movies | A Night at the Opera | Scene: The Contract
My almost heartfelt thanks leave to Angela Toma, who transcribed this scene for a local community theater performance. She has been kind plenty to give me this transcription for the express enjoyment of y'all, gentle reader. Baby-sit information technology well, and accept information technology out on special occasions for the edification and amusement of your friends (if you take whatever).
The Setup: Otis B. Driftwood (Groucho) has been hired by Mrs. Claypool (Margaret Dumont) to place her in lodge. He has arranged for her to come across the managing director of the New York Opera Company, Herman Gottlieb (Siegfried Rumann). It turns out that Gottlieb is afterward Mrs. Claypool's coin but equally much as Driftwood, but in a more respectable way, disarming her to pay $1,000 a night to an obnoxious tenor, Rodolfo Lassparri (Walter Woolf), to sing in New York. Driftwood, seeing at that place's cabbage to be made on the bargain, decides to sign Lassparri start. He runs across Fiorello (Chico) who has his own tenor, Riccardo Baroni (Allan Jones), to militarist, and then the fun begins...
Driftwood: Say, I simply remembered, I came back here looking for somebody. You don't know who information technology is do you?
Fiorello: Isa funny ting. Isa merely skid my mind.
Driftwood: Oh I know, I know, the greatest tenor in the world. That's what I'm afterward.
Fiorello: Why, I'1000 his manager!
Driftwood: Who's director?
Fiorello: The greatest tenor in the world!
Driftwood: The fella that sings at the opera here?!
Fiorello: Sure.
Driftwood: What'due south his proper name?
Fiorello: What-a-yous care, I can't pronounce information technology. What yous want wit him?
Driftwood: I wanted to sign him up for the New York Opera Company. Practice yous know America is waiting to hear him sing!?
Fiorello: Well...He can sing loud but he can't sing that loud.
Driftwood: Well I think I tin can get America to meet him one-half way. Could he sail tomorrow?
Fiorello: You pay him enough money he could canvas yesterday. How much y'all pay him?
Driftwood: Well I dunno. (Walks off to the side in thought.) Let's see...a g dollars a dark...I'm entitled to a small profit. (Walks back.) How about ten dollars a dark?
Fiorello: Ten, x dollar. Ha ha ha ha ha ha...I'll take it.
Driftwood: Alright, but remember I get 10% for negotiating the deal!
Fiorello: Yeah, and I get 10% for bein' da manager. How much is dat exit?
Driftwood: Well, that leaves em...ahhh...eight dollars.
Fiorello: Viii dollars heh? Well, he sends v a calendar week to his female parent.
Driftwood: Well that leaves 3 dollars.
Fiorello: Can he live in New York on iii dollars?
Driftwood: Similar a prince! Of course he won't be able to consume, but he could alive like a prince. However, out of that 3 dollars you know, he'll take to pay an income tax.
Fiorello: Oh, is income tax.
Driftwood: Yes yous know, there's a federal tax, and a state revenue enhancement, and a city tax, and street taxation, and a sewer revenue enhancement.
Fiorello: How much isat come to?
Driftwood: Well I figure, if he doesn't sing as well often he could pause even.
Fiorello: Alright, we take it!
Driftwood: Alright fine. (Takes out contracts, easily 1 to Fiorello.) At present here are the contracts. You just put his name at the acme and you sign at the bottom. (Fiorello looks the paperwork up and downward.) There's no need of reading that considering these are duplicates.
Fiorello: Yep...Isa duplicate...Duplicates ah? (Looking senselessly.)
Driftwood: I say they're duplicates!
Fiorello: Oh sure. It'sa duplicates.
Driftwood: Don't yous know what duplicates are?
Fiorello: Sure, those 5 kids up in Canada.
Driftwood: (Looking at Fiorello/audition.) Well I wouldn't know most that. I oasis't been in Canada in years. (Pointing to Fiorello's contract.) Get ahead and read it!
Fiorello: (Running his manus over the paper.) What does it say?
Driftwood: Well keep and read it!
Fiorello: Alright, yous read it.
Driftwood: Alright, I'll read it to you! Tin can y'all hear?
Fiorello: I haven't heard annihilation nonetheless. Did you say anything?
Driftwood: Well I haven't said anything worth hearing.
Fiorello: Well, that's why I didn't hear anything.
Driftwood: Well, that's why I didn't say anything!
Fiorello: Can Yous read?!?
Driftwood: I can read but I can't see information technology. Don't seem to have information technology in focus here. (Moving the contract closer to and farther from his confront.) If my arms were a little longer I could read information technology...You haven't got a baboon in your pocket have you? Ah. At present I've got information technology. At present pay particular attending to this beginning department considering it's virtually important. It says, "The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the political party of the first part." How do you like that? That's pretty neat, eh?
Fiorello: No. Information technology'south no expert.
Driftwood: What'south the affair with it?
Fiorello: I don't know, let's hear information technology once again.
Driftwood: Says, "The party of the beginning part shall be known in this contract as the political party of the kickoff part."
Fiorello: Sounds a picayune amend this time.
Driftwood: Well, it grows on yous...Would you like to hear it once more?
Fiorello: Ah...Just the start function.
Driftwood: What do you mean, the party of the beginning part?
Fiorello: No. The starting time part of the party of the first role.
Driftwood: Alright information technology says the umm..."The first function of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract every bit the first part of the party of the get-go office, shall be known in this contract...Await...why should nosotros quarrel well-nigh a affair similar this. We'll take information technology right out eh? (Tears off sections of contract.)
Fiorello: Ha ha, it'southward too long anyhow! (rip rip) At present what do we got left?
Driftwood: Well, I've got about a foot and a half. Now information technology says, "The party of the 2nd part shall be know in this contract as the party of the 2d part."
Fiorello: Well I don't know about that.
Driftwood: NOW what'south the matter?
Fiorello: I don't similar the 2d party either.
Driftwood: Well you should accept been at the first party, we didn't get home till around four in the morning...I was blind for three days.
Fiorello: Ay...Expect, why tin can't the first part of the second party be the second role of the beginning party? Thena you got something!
Driftwood: Well look...ah...Rather than go through all that again, what do y'all say? (Tears off another department.)
Fiorello: Fine.
Driftwood: Now...ah...At present I've got something here you're bound to like. You'll be crazy about it.
Fiorello: No, I don't like it.
Driftwood: You don't like what?
Fiorello: Any it is, I don't like it.
Driftwood: Well allow's not suspension upwards an old friendship over a affair similar that! Set up?
Fiorello: Okay. (rip) Now the next function I don't recollect you're gonna like.
Driftwood: Well your word'southward good enough for me...At present then, is my word skilful enough for y'all?
Fiorello: I should say not.
Driftwood: Well that takes out two more clauses. (rip) Now the political party of the eighth part...
Fiorello: No. Nooo. (rip)
Driftwood: No? The party of the ninth...
Fiorello: No, that'southward no good besides. (rip) Hey, how is it my contract is skinnier than yours?
Driftwood: I dunno, you musta been out on a tear last night. But anyhow nosotros're all ready now, aren't we?
Fiorello: Ah, sure.
Driftwood: Now just eh...(easily Fiorello a pen) Put your name right down there and so the deal is eh...Then the deal is legal.
Fiorello: Eh, I forgot to tell y'all. I can't write.
Driftwood: (shaking the pen) Well that'south okay, in that location's no ink in the pen anyhow. But listen, information technology's a contract, isn't information technology?
Fiorello: Oh sure. You bet.
Driftwood: We've got a contract, no matter how small it is!
Fiorello: Hey wait, look! What does this say here? This thing here?
Driftwood: Oh that. Oh that'southward the usual clause...that'due south in every contract. That just says...eh...it says...eh..."If whatsoever of the parties participating in this contract are shown not to be in their right mind, the entire agreement is automatically nullified."
Fiorello: Well, I don't know...
Driftwood: It'due south alright, that'due south in every contract! That's what they call a "sanity clause."
Fiorello: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...y'all tin't fool me. In that location own't no sanity clause!
Driftwood: (Giving up all promise of a successful conversation, takes off carnation and hands it to Fiorello.) Well y'all win the white carnation!
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(This folio was originally created past Frank Banal for his 'Why A Duck?' website)
This site uses material originally created by Frank Bland for his website Why A Duck?. Frank did kindly give me permission to utilise this material.
The Marx Brothers - Los Hermanos Marx - האחים מרקס - マルクス兄弟 - Les Freres Marx - 마르크스형제 - Братья Маркс - Bröderna Marx - برادران مارکس - I Fratelli Marx - Братята Маркс - Bracia Marx - Germans Marx - الأخوة ماركس - 馬克思兄弟 - Αδελφοί Μαρξ - Irmãos Marx 
Source: https://www.marx-brothers.org/whyaduck/info/movies/scenes/contract.htm
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